When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize