You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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