i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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