so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize