we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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