she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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