When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I still have a little drunk in my system
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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