So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
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this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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