omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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