I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
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captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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