K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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