cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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