I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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