The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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