textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize