she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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