That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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