just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A+ Viking dick
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize