My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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