It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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