So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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