Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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