so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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