my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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