after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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