Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize