You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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