Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Welp...herpes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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