i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize