I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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