I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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