and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize