I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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