No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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