He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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