You don't have asthma, your pregnant
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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