i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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