you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize