My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize