Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize