So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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