i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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