I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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