so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize