Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize