I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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