I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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