i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
