There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize