I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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