all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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